I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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