And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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