he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
