I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize