DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
