First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
