He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
