it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
