The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
