Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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