nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
