Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
