I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You pole danced in your parka.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
