He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
