i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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