Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
