Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
