does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize