So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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