He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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