Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
