I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
