Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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