im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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