no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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