dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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