i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
