Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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