We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
