Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
