Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
