Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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