Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
