Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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