Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
