She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
