is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
