drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
