im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
