I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
