): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
