now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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