You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
