just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
