I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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