glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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