I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
