You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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