is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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