i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
