Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
