Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
