you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
