I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
