im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
