just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
