I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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