you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
