woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
