My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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