Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
