Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
