just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
