Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
barbara walters just said penis...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
