burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
