He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
