I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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