Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
