I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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