he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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