Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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