i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I deserve this hangover.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
