My nipple is on Facebook.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
