before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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